I soooo ooo feel like this post right now. #two years ago.
I’ll tell you for sure, I once was a keeper of pigs, now I feel like one. Like a trash can unemptied; smelly and annoying.
I will show you once, how I’m filled with waste, all reason is gone; the love, the sorrow… everything. All that remains is regret.
I stay alarmed; my joy is stolen. I think of love, but all I get are tumults of lust; that burn my inside. I’ll tell you for sure, that I have slept with the pastor’s son, that I kissed him the whole night.
You can see that in my world, men are my job, I am their teddy. they hug and kiss, they cannot detach, they stay in love.
You can tell that in my house, men have eaten and enjoyed. They have killed me with pleasure. They have made me moan and mourn.
But of all these things, I have done none.
Even when I was married to my latest crush, when he would get jealous and make sweet love to me as punishment. Even when his romance made me want to evaporate, I was in sorrow.
Yes, the devil got me drunk in my desires, he likes it when I’m turned on. I do too, but my Lord doesn’t. It’s a bitter pursuit of eternal good, I am in the race; handsome men line my path. they spread rose petals and urge me to remove my shoes…
and after that my clothes and my dignity too. they urge me to lie down, to enjoy the massage on my back.
They compel me to fall in, feed me with sweet nectar forever. They tell me virgins use that path often, that none resists.
They come too strong, their love too sweet. they caress the whole of me until I’m almost gone. They flush my insides with sweet nectar but as the glass touches my lips, as the wine seeps and flow deep down, the thorns come in too, filling my joy with pain.